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March 14, 2008 Sophie's class has their sex education conference today. I remember when I went to the obligatory sex ed class when I was in high school and we watched a dumb movie and saw anatomical pictures of men and women. The French seem to do it a little differently. Teen Sexual Activity is None of the Parent's Business in France Apparently, the French do not believe that a person's sexual life is anybody's business but their own - no matter the person's age. This means the French feel that if a teen is sexually active it is none of the parent's business. I'm American with American beliefs on this matter and have no intentions of changing how I feel about this just because I'm in France. I'm very liberal in many ways but very conservative in other ways. I don't want my child catching diseases or getting pregnant. I want her focused on her studies and experiencing life. Sex isn't life. It's a part of life. It will always be there. It should not replace important life experiences or platonic friendships. Teens Right to Free Contraception and Abortion Without Parental Consent In France, every teen has the right to free contraception and abortion without their parent's permission and without needing to inform the parent. I wish the States had the same policy in place. There are centers set up where teens can get free contraceptives and it's nobody's business but their own. Honestly, I've never seen a pregnant teen, in France, in the year-and-a-half I've lived here. I want Sophie to have free and easy access to both contraception and abortion. If it's her life or that of the unborn, I vote for Sophie's life. She's already here and her life matters just as much as anybody else's and more so than someone who doesn't even exist yet. Killing the future of one life in lieu of another makes no sense. If Sophie was afraid to tell me she was pregnant, I'd much rather that she have a free, safe and legal abortion than finally confront me with the issue when she was four-to-five months pregnant, showing and it was too late to doing anything about it and then have that affect the rest of her future. Talk about oppression. Yikes! I don't want Sophie running around and having sex. It's not a sex thing. I'm all for good sex. It's a 'get to know the person first' thing. It's a 'get to know yourself first' thing. I want her to date first, to take her time, to get to know the person. Don't find out he's an a**hole the morning after. I want it to be special. I want it to be safe. I really don't want Sophie catching any diseases. It's better to wait, to value the teen years, to value one's body and remember that it's sacred. I want her to have great sex and realize what a fantastic gift it is. I'm not sure she'd get very good grades if she was spending that much time exploring the world's sexual possibilities. Her teen years are the only time she can prepare for college. She's got a whole life ahead of her to explore fabulous sexual relations. The Pill and Other forms of Contraceptive The speaker, a gynecologist, is a strong advocate of The Pill. I'm worried about The Pill. I remember another sex ed class I had where the speaker said the pill had side effects. I really don't want Sophie to have anything in her body that isn't natural. France, in general, is very pro-pill. It seems that the mentality is that you should start taking The Pill long before you start having sex... just in case. The speak told a story of how this girl got pregnant for a second time. The doctor asked how this happened. The girl said that every time she came home with The Pill her mom would through it out. In this case, the doctor inserted a three-year contraceptive in the arm. It is more expensive than The Pill so France prefers to dole out The Pill but the most important thing is that the girl doesn't get pregnant. All of this is free of charge for teens and there is nothing a parent can do about it. France simply doesn't believe it is any business of the parent. I suppose that means that if a parent wants to be involved they better make sure they have an open line of communication with the teen. Thankfully, Sophie and I are very open about this subject and I'm very proud of the choices she's made in the past and continues to make in this area of her life. Dumb Things to Tell Teens... or Anyone This speaker, a male gynecologist, said that if a woman wasn't excited by sex than it was her own fault because she wasn't into it. I laughed when Sophie told me this. She knows how I feel about sex. Sex should be a fabulous encounter for both people and if the woman isn't getting off then something is wrong because there are two people there and both should be sexually satisfied. I told Sophie that the man was clearly a bad lay and a selfish lover. If a man isn't taking the time to make sure the woman is reaching orgasm he's simply missing one of the most beautiful experiences in life... and as a result this man should be passed by. It's so important that parents have open communication with their children. Kids hear the most incredible things. They need us to balance things. They need us as their sounding boards. The male speaker/doctor said that if a man hits a woman she should leave. He says that if she doesn't leave, then she deserves it. I was stunned when Sophie told me this. Of course, Sophie knew he was wrong and didn't need to ask me about it, more she was relaying the highlights of the talk. Sophie and I have discussed abuse on several occasions. She knows it's never okay for a man to hit a woman under any circumstances. But that's just the tip of the iceberg. She also understands that there can be extenuating circumstances which might prevent a woman from leaving even if she is in an abusive relationship. Many women are pressured into staying by their own families. Many woman are asked, "What did you do wrong?" and are blamed for the incident. Many woman don't have the financial means to leave particularly when children are involved. Sophie and I have had these discussions repeatedly throughout the years. Life isn't simple. It is important to include the variables. Women are oppressed in many ways. I want Sophie to have this knowledge because knowledge is empowerment and freedom. What you don't know can hurt you and I want better for my child. AIDS and Teens The speaker told a story about a man who was diagnosed with AIDS. The man said he shouldn't have AIDS because it was like being condemned to death and there were serial killers who weren't condemned to death so he shouldn't be either and since he was for his one little mistake of using a needle he was going to give it to other people. Yeah... no f*ck is worth dying over. Be careful! Masturbation The speaker stressed that there was nothing wrong with masturbation and that even religions that frown upon masturbation ask that you do it as little as possible, not that you shouldn't do it at all. He also said that sexual diseases were transmitted by the hands because oftentimes people to do wash their hands after masturbating. Okay... that's just gross. If you masturbate. Wash your hands with soap! Pornography The speaker felt that pornography was oppressive for men as well as the women in the pornos because men were paid as well. Sophie knows how I feel about this. If you are of age then it's your choice and other people shouldn't be forced to live as you would have them live. Isn't it oppressive to tell a woman she can't be in a porno if that's what she wants to do? Personally, I don't get the attraction, but that doesn't mean people should have a right to make them or watch them... just not with me and not in my house. If all people felt as I do, we'd all have great sex and pornos would be extinct. lol Homosexuality The speakers thought on homosexuality was that homophobics were people who had problems with their own sexual identity. The Wrap Up Basically, we learned that France is culturally very different and substantially more liberal when it comes to a teens sexual life and that this man was a sexual dud. The talk reconfirmed that AIDS is out there and the importance of knowing your partner and perhaps getting tested before having sex with them. I'm glad Sophie is not in a hurry. I'm just as glad to know that France will protect her even if I was against it. I also learned that any girl in the school could get The Morning After Pill from the front office. If you have enjoyed this article, please consider leaving a donation. I love giving to you. I also love receiving. All the best! | 
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